New movie review: Clerks II

Review can also be found on Blog Critics.

Do you ever stop to wonder if all the decisions you’ve made over the past twelve years were the right ones? Did they put you on the right path? Did you end up where you thought you would? Perhaps you disagree with John Lennon when he says, “there isn’t anywhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.”

In Clerks II we catch up with Dante Hicks (Brian O'Halloran) and his pal Randall (Jeff Anderson) twelve years after we last saw them, working at the Quick Stop and wondering what life had to offer them. What are they doing now? The same thing — that is, until a fire in the opening scene forces them to do something else. What do they decide to do? Lacking any other experience they decide to become clerks at a local fast food restaurant called Mooby’s.

Unhappy with the situation, Dante decides he wants something else. He wants what other 33-year-olds have — a wife, kids, a house, and a good job. He almost has these things. He’s on the verge of leaving Mooby’s, Randall, and New Jersey far behind. What’s the catch? Marrying a controlling woman and being on the take from the woman’s parents — in essence exchanging freedom for possessions.

Clerks II does a great job of philosophizing about what makes us happy. Is it marriage, money, a career, prestige? Or is it just finding something you don’t mind doing and hanging out with your friends? Is one really better than the other?

So Clerks II examines some of life’s eternal questions, but did I also mention it’s hilarious? It is. It’s just about as funny as the first one, but maybe not as shocking. You know why it’s not as shocking? Clerks raised the bar for the bawdiest of bawdy talk in an R rated movie. It almost became the first movie to be given an NC-17 for language alone.

Seeing Clerks II took me straight back to seeing the first one in 1994. It was a time when people looked at you funny if you carried around a cell phone, the Internet was still for computer geeks, and setting up an email account was more complicated than my calculus exam. I was a film student at the time, so seeing the movie was practically required. I remember how exciting it was at the time. The movie was low budget, with unknown actors using language seldom heard in mainstream cinema, yet it was getting tons of attention from critics.

So Kevin Smith set up an empire based around the characters he created and is probably one of the better-known directors today. And I’m not making movies. At least I can write about them. I can’t say whether Kevin Smith agrees with John Lennon or not. At first glance I might say no, but then again maybe he does.

New DVD review: She's The Man

Review also appears on Blog Critics.

Comedies are created for many varied demographics. There are comedies intended for adults. Some are aimed at teens. Still others find favor with young children. "She's the Man" is a comedy so dull and predictable, it's makers could only have had fetuses in mind as their audience. No one any older will be even mildly amused.

Despite the rather high falutin' credit, "Inspired by the play 'Twelfth Night' by William Shakespeare," the movie I was most frequently reminded of was 1985's "Just One Of the Guys." As with that much funnier movie, "She's the Man" finds a high school girl attempting to gain the respect that her male classmates seem to be awarded so easily. When her twin brother Sebastian skips the country - without telling his parents - in order to perform in a British music festival (yeah, right), Viola (Amanda Bynes) decides to fill in for her brother at school. The reason? She wants to join the boys' soccer team in order to prove that she is as good as them. Of course, she effortlessly convinces all concerned that she is Sebastian. Even Sebastian's friend and ex-girlfriend speak to her, face-to-face, without ever questioning.

Casting Amanda Bynes in the dual-role was a staggeringly poor choice. Ms. Bynes, who somehow managed to convince a surprisingly large number of people that she is actually funny, is not masculine in any way, shape, or form. While not exactly the most bodacious bod in Hollywood, she never manages to evoke anything remotely resembling a high school boy. In fact, the only boy she does look like is the kid who played Sly Stallone's son in "Over the Top." Her voice remains feminine, even when she affects a bizarre accent - a mixture of deep south with Jamaican patois. For a movie like this to work, we need to be at least somewhat convinced we are watching a male actor. Bynes was simply not up to the task.

Even in the by-the-numbers attempts to display "girl power" and such, the movie is dismally uninspired. Of course Viola is able to wow her coach and teammates with her soccer prowess. Of course Viola, as Sebastian, develops a crush on her male roommate. Of course you will see every plot development coming a mile away. With a running time of 105 minutes, it's very odd that the filmmakers chose to include four or five montages, edited to blaring (but numbingly generic) pop-rock songs. Why the padding? This movie would've seemed long had it clocked in at 80 minutes. The flimsy plotting doesn't justify the indulgent length. On a more positive note, the PG-13 rating is entirely appropriate as this film is basically family-friendly viewing. If anything, a plain old PG might have been more accurate. The filmmakers avoid the tasteless humor found in many of today's teen flicks (though frankly, some of that might have improved this movie).

By the way, Sebastian is portrayed by an actor named James Kirk. Had the screenwriter named the character Tiberius instead, it would have provided the movie with it's only moment of true wit.

As for the DVD itself, the movie is presented in anamorphically enhanced widescreen. The transfer is sharp and clean, as expected for a movie just released earlier this year. Soundtrack choices are Dolby Digital 5.1 or 2.0 surround. The disc is loaded with a fairly impressive array of bonus features. There are two commentary tracks featuring cast and crew members, as well as a text commentary. A selection of approximately 11 minutes worth of deleted scenes is included, with optional commentary. There are three fairly informative featurettes dealing with the making of the film, it's cast members, and the Shakespeare connection - they total just under a half hour combined. A variety of more minor features round out the supplements, including a not very funny gag reel.

Top 10 favorite shows discovered on DVD

Article also appears on Blog Critics.

I like TV shows, but I don’t really like watching TV. Yes, the commercials can be tiresome, but they are not really the biggest problem. It’s trying to schedule watching the shows into my day. Have you ever cancelled plans because you couldn’t miss your favorite program? Of course there is TIVO and VCR’s, but that’s not a fun path either. Have you ever missed your favorite show three weeks in a row, and then you try to go back and watch it, but you never get caught up, so you keep taping it?

While it might leave ad sales executives pulling out their hair, and lead to premature cancellation due to lack of viewers, watching TV shows on DVD can’t be beat. At first the idea of releasing TV shows on DVD was to give viewers a chance to go back and get TV series they may not have seen in a while. Studios at first tapped into niche markets like X-Files and Star Trek. Well, TV on DVD has taken off beyond anyone’s expectations, and there is a new phenomenon of people discovering shows entirely through the DVD release. What this means for the future of television remains to be seen, but here are my top 10 favorite TV shows, I never actually watched on TV.

24 – I realize I may be the only person in the country to “discover” this show on DVD. After years of being told I would like it, someone actually decided the best way to get my attention was to give me Season 1 as a gift, therefore obligating me to watch it. Their ploy worked. I devoured the first season in a matter of days, and hungry for more I immediately went out and bought Season 2. Seven weeks later I’m done with Season 4 and anxiously awaiting the DVD release of Season 5. I just didn’t know it would be so good; the characters, the plot twists, the tension. It all works. Lesson learned: sometimes when everyone says something is the best show on TV it actually is.

Battlestar Galactica - The name Battlestar Galactica is not exactly synonymous with the words “good TV.” So the original series from the 70’s was possibly about as bad as it gets, but this new version is about as good as it gets. Forget whether you’re a sci-fi fan, a Star Trek fan, or anything else that conjures up images of major geekdom. It doesn’t matter. Battlestar Galactica is great show no matter how you look at it. It may be set in space, but it drops anything anyone afraid of tapping into their inner geek may feel uncomfortable with. The show is a tense, action driven drama with some of the best story lines I’ve ever seen on TV.

The Office – UK – If you’ve ever had job, and maybe even if you haven’t you’ll find something to relate to in this show. It seems so real, it’s almost uncomfortable at times. Watching office manager David Brent in action is like being stuck in a meeting with that one person at work, you wish would never say anything, but always does. The show is very funny, and may be one of the best sitcoms I have ever seen. There are only 12 episodes and one Christmas special, but that is all you really need. The show does everything it needs to do and quits on top. You may want more, but you’ll never wish you had less.

Arrested Development – Are you watching the funniest show on TV? Too late for that, because this show is cancelled. It will probably go down in history as one of the most critically acclaimed, but under watched shows ever. Now, I know I’m not the only one to have discovered this one on DVD. The writing was clever and funny and it was probably one of the best casted shows ever. Maybe it fell apart a little in the 3rd Season. I only saw bits and pieces of that. I’m still waiting for the DVD.

Curb Your Enthusiasm – After seeing it win at the Emmy’s and Golden Globes every year, I finally decided to check this one out. I would’ve gotten to it sooner, but I didn’t have HBO. Everyone told me that if I was a fan of Seinfeld then I would like Curb Your Enthusiasm, and they were right. Curb is kind of like Seinfeld meets reality TV, except not bad reality TV, but good reality TV. Of course it’s probably good reality TV, because it’s not actually real, it doesn’t pretend to be real, it just looks real. Pretty good. Pretty, pretty good.

Dead Like Me This show was only on Showtime for one and a half seasons, before getting the axe. I rented the pilot on a whim and was immediately hooked. The show is a comedy/drama revolving around a group of grim reapers who are trying to get through the day just like you and me. Sound depressing? It’s not. The show was funny and touching, and the writing and cast were excellent. I was sorry this one didn’t get more time to live up to its full potential.

Firefly - This may be one of the most under appreciated shows of all time. When the show aired on TV the episodes were ran out of order, and the show barely promoted. Granted the western set in space, was probably a huge marketing headache. But we can’t put all the blame on the studio. Though they may not admit it now, many of the shows biggest fans (who also decided to check out the DVD) were reluctant to give the show a chance at first, because it drew Joss Whedon’s attention away from the ultra-popular Buffy The Vampire Slayer. This may be the most discovered show on DVD, because it’s the DVD sales that helped get the green light for the big screen spin off, Serenity. While I don’t think Firefly is the most intelligent or best show I’ve ever seen, it was still very good, and very fun, and should have been given more of a chance to succeed.

Lost – I meant to watch Lost on TV. I read the fall TV preview in my Entertainment Weekly and thought it looked interesting. But the premiere came and went, and then the encore of the premiere came and went and my TV never went on. No reason, I just didn’t get around to it. That is why it is the newest show on this list. I watched Season 1 as soon as it was out on DVD. I loved it. I thought the characters were interesting, and the island intriguing. I was excited to watch Season 2 when it premiered the next fall. My excitement lasted about five episodes. I was spoiled by the DVD’s. No commercials and the ability to quickly move on to another episode, if one isn’t that good, is something I had taken for granted.

Tru Calling – I acquired this DVD through some kind of online ordering/returning snafu suffered by a family member. I’m not sure what happened, but the end result was they had two copies of Season 1 and they gave one to me. It’s no surprise to me that this show was cancelled prematurely, because it took me about six or seven episodes to get into it. I could barely give it a chance on DVD, so it’s no surprise viewers stopped tuning in every week. That being said, the show took off about half way through the first season, and I thought it was one of the best shows I had seen in a long time. Unfortunately lack of viewers caused the second season to be cancelled after only six episodes and left all the viewers on a cliffhanger. The show left me wondering – was Jason Priestley always this good? A rerun of Beverly Hills 90210 told me the answer was no.

Da Ali G Show - What can you say about Sacha Baron Cohen’s take on life in America? Cohen’s interviews with average Americans and politicians (definitely not average Americans) were often hilarious and sometimes uncomfortable. What worked was Cohen’s non-judgmental portrayal of everything. What happened, happened. Some people came off ok and some didn’t, most of the time it was just funny.

Superman Returns..but you can't go home again.

Superman Returns is set 5 years after Superman defeats General Zod and his 2 cohorts in the second movie. So I guess that means Superman II takes place in 2001 and the first one in like 1999. Funny that I don't remember those movies being set in the future.

I've tried to think of this movie with an open mind, and not let my nostalgic impulses guide my feelings. It doesn't matter. No matter how I look at it, I can't find much good to say about Superman Returns.

I can say that I had coloring books, as a child, with better storylines than Superman Returns. It's like they wanted to remake the first movie, but they couldn't so we're left with the most threadbare story imaginable.

There are a few definable problems with this movie:

1. Lex Luthor - Why have Lex Luther be the villain again? Did these people ever read the comic books? Superman had plenty of foes besides Lex Luthor. Between the original movies and all the different television series, Lex Luthor is played out. Not to mention that Kevin Spacey didn't bring one second of fun to the character. Isn't Lex Luthor supposed to be the villain we love to hate? And what's with the real estate plot line? Again? So instead of turning Arizona into Ocean Front property, he wants to create his own piece of property off the east coast. Boring.

2. Lois Lane - Kate Bosworth is definitely a weak point in the movie. She has none of Margot Kidder's fiery attitude. This might be forgivable if these weren't supposed to be the same people from Superman II, and if Brandon Routh wasn't doing a Christopher Reeve impression.

and that brings us to:

3. Brandon Routh - he's about as boring as you can get. Yes, he looks a little like Christopher Reeve, and he can talk just like him, but he lacks all the charm.


Should I feel guilty for comparing this movie to the first two? I don't think so. What with the use of the original score and Marlon Brando, it's pretty clear they want us to remember those movies.

Is it because I'm 32 and not 6 that I don't believe someone looks like a different person because he's wearing glasses or that Clark Kent (is there even a reason Clark Kent is in the movie?) and Superman can both disappear for five years and then return on the exact same day and not one person makes the connection?

Is it because I'm too happy of an individual that I can't relate to a depressed and morose Superman whose facing an identity crisis? Am I wrong to somewhat dislike a Superman who lacks personal integrity?

Well, we're each entititled to our own opinions, but if this movie were good I wouldn't be asking any of these questions.